It’s Wednesday. My record player is spinning the tunes of Iron & Wine. I have a candle burning with the scent, crisp-morning-air that is welcoming in the new Fall season. All is calm and my soul is happy.
But trust me, this is not my normal. Maybe on Wednesdays, it’s one of the only days I allow myself to simply be. Every other day of the week, you can find me striving, hustling; a never ending attempt to squeeze in just a little more into my schedule. Because If I don’t stop, it won’t catch up with me. Right?
Here is what I’m discovering about myself, I’m intoxicated by more. Hustle? That’s my favorite word. I crave to be the best, to work harder than anyone around me, to reach and exceed every goal I set for myself. But this mentality can so often get me in trouble. It is at a cost of my sanity, my community and most importantly; a life surrendered to God.
I don’t do surrender well.
I’m coming out of a crazy month. August was filled with a lot of traveling, even more work and, on top of it, a lot of emotional growing pains. So a weekend away with my favorite people on the planet, was a welcomed escape. I arrived to a quiet little farm at 2 am Saturday morning after a particularly long wedding. I couldn’t turn off my phone fast enough. Even that simple action released a deep sigh. I could just be.
My forever friend, Kristin gifted me a book titled Holy Hustle by Crystal Stine, just days before my weekend away. And it couldn’t have been more perfectly placed. Amongst the two days of quality time with the family, I read the words that challenged me and also freed me.
We stayed on a quiet farm, where the hens laid their eggs each morning, and the farmer allowed the Littles to bottle feed the goats. We slept in, drank coffee on the porch, didn’t get out of pj’s all day and ended the evening with board games and singing around the table.
I was looking forward to this weekend because I was in such need of a reset. I get frustrated, because while I know my busy schedule isn’t always healthy I continue to fall back into it. This particular book spoke on the goodness of work. Work is good, it is even biblical, but when I work only for my glory and gain, I miss the mark.
I’m grateful for a God that will use every piece of my story to illuminate His glory, even when I continue to miss that mark.
So in comes the phrase, holy-hustle. Crystal goes on to explain that the refocus on this helps us to hear God over the roar of the bossy world, so we can say yes to the work God has prepared our hearts for and no to the work that will drain our souls. The reality is we’ll only grow in our abilities when we set aside our agendas and make room for God to shine. Thats the kind of hustle I want to have. The kind that trusts God’s agenda over mine and does everything to serve His kingdom instead of building one for myself.
As the weekend wrapped up, I expected to feel the tightness return in my chest with the impending crazy in my schedule. But it didn’t come back. Early Monday morning, I took a deep breath, prayed that God would meet me, turned on my phone and prepared myself to head back into my reality, leaning into this new holy-hustle.
Embracing a right-here faith means choosing the small moments over the popular ones because the legacy it will leave for God’s kingdom. No matter what your profession is, we can glorify God in our work. I’m choosing to believe that what I begin in faith, God will finish with a flourish.
So I’m still going to hustle, but I’m going to refocus on who I work for. Christine Cain is quoted saying, “I’m not trying to balance my life, but to surrender my life.” I love that. I’m a firm believer that balance doesn’t exist. We choose how we spend our moments and what get’s our attention and so often that comes at the cost of other things. When we say yes to something we are inherently saying no to something else. So what is your best yes? At the end of the day I hope people say about me…
“So she worked hard, but she worked wisely.”
Tomorrow the crazy will return once again, but I am so grateful for a God that continues to walk beside me, stretches me and grows me and who wont allow me to stay where I am at. God is going to do a new thing and I will continue to look for it, expectantly.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading my ramblings. During the weekend with the fam I brought out my camera, purely for fun. There is nothing that recharges me more. You can take a look at the memories made below.
– T
